So as I had mentioned in my last post, quite a big change has been going on in my life, and I feel like this space has been suffering because of it. I’ve always felt like I’ve done a pretty good job when it comes to keeping this place updated, even when things are not ideal in my personal life. This blog means a whole to me, and I feel a great deal of guilt whenever I am unable, or feeling not well enough to keep it up to date. You also know I try to be as open about my personal life as reasonably possible here, so it feels appropriate to share what has been going on.
The short of it is Ryan and I have broken up. Something that is disheartening in ways, but was also necessary. Because we live together, things have been a bit all over the place. I have been looking for a new place to live, with very little success, and that has caused me a great deal of stress, which has lead me to try to ignore my current situation and spend as much time with the people that make me feel happy. In a lot of ways, I am feeling better than I have felt in a long time, but also feeling slightly chaotic in my mind. But such is the way with these things. It’s something many experience, and you come out of it, usually in a much better place – I feel very strongly about that.
Relationships can be so difficult, but also incredibly enriching . My friends sometimes joke about the amount of boyfriends I’ve had, and for a long time I felt bad about my inability to keep a relationship going after the 2 year mark. But not everyone is the same. I know people who have been with their partner for years, ready for marriage, and I know an equal amount of people who have fulfilling relationships that don’t last forever. I like to think that every relationship I’ve had has been a lesson for me and something I actively reflect upon. I’ve got to spend years with some incredibly amazing and wonderful people who have changed and bettered my life in so many ways. They may not have been it for me, but they were something for me that I will always feel positively about. I like thinking that I carry a piece of each of them with me, helping me to become the best possible version of myself. I don’t keep a ton of people surrounding me, but the ones I do are the ones I feel really bring something special to my life, which goes beyond romantic relationships.
Anyways, that’s the gist of it. I know probably some can relate to this, so while talking about it seems maybe like it’s just for me, I think it’s also a feeling many understand, and I always hope when I share my struggles in life, however small or insignificant, that someone can feel a connection or find comfort from it. That’s why I love blogging so much. The connection and the people I reach are the most important thing to me; it’s what keeps me here.
Love you all, and thank you for being patient with me ❤