Together…sometimes…but usually not.
The weekends when I am able to fit in work and fun are the type of weekends I come away from feeling truly whole. When you work a full time job (I recently became a buyer for a second hand/sometimes vintage shop), maintain a blog and other social media platforms all by yourself, own a dog, teach dance, help your partner with work, occasionally style and model for shoots, try to attend blogging/insta events, sometimes sell clothes…it’s hard to feel like you are on top of everything. To be honest, it’s fucking impossible to be on top of all of that. The thing that usually gets pushed to the wayside for me is friendships. It’s hard to maintain friendships (I’m mostly talking about surface friendships here) when you are an introvert, but also someone who feels literal guilt when you should be getting work done and instead are spending time with someone. And as I read that sentence, it sounds kind of awful. The thing is, I love my friends, the ones that don’t feel like work and get that I am kind of busy and will often say no to something because I have work to do. But on the flip side, I’ve had to work with the feeling of guilt I get when I am hanging out and not working by actually pushing work to the side and allowing myself to have fun without “consequence”. It’s been strange acknowledging that feeling and trying to work with it…I often feel like I never get it quite right. But this weekend felt truly balanced, and I woke up this morning with a sense of accomplishment and a feeling of wholeness. I realize it won’t always be like this. I won’t always feel like I’ve got it all together, and that’s really okay. As long as I am able to appreciate and recognize the moments where it does all fall so perfectly together, then I couldn’t really want or ask for anything else. We are all just trying to get by in the ways that make us feel good or make us feel bad, sometimes. It’s those things that drive us forward, but sometimes make us stuck. As long as we can see ourselves in all the ways we are or are not driven, well I think that’s all we can really do. In my little understanding of psychology and self-understanding, it’s just being able to see the way we work that makes us able to start changing for the better.
Can you relate? Do you have the opposite issue? Let me know in the comments below.
-WHAT I WORE-
Dress: Zara via Common Sort | Jacket: old H&M | Shoes: Sylvie and Shimmy | Choker: handmade | Comb clip c/o Levero (can’t seem to find this particular one, but they have loads of cute stuff
okay andie 
Hello lovely 90’s goddess!
I need a lot of balance in my weekends too. I hate feeling like I worked them away, slacked off the entire time, or missed opportunities to socialize. The weekends that hit just the right note are a great jumping off point for the week.
http://www.theclassyjunk.blogspot.com
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I definitely have to agree with you on everything you said in this post. I’m an introvert too, who sometimes has trouble opening up and making friends and then ON TOP OF THAT, I feel like I have too much to do to even hang out with people. I think it’s pretty common in our generation to be working and doing multiple things at a time. I know a lot of people like me who work full-time and have a million side things going on. But it’s better to do ALL OF THE things you love than not, right?
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Your blog, definitely praise-worthy! Thanks for sharing this post because sometimes when a person like me sees a blog like yours, which is so amazing, it’s so easy to compare, and hard to mentally compete. You’re so young too! I think creative people have a lot going on in their heads. Not sure if this post makes any sense at all. I’m a lot older than you, if i had a re-do of a few things I would be totally fine with a lot of things i beat myself up about. ‘I’VE GOT IT ALL’ 🙂
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I totally relate to what you said! It can be so hard to relax and have fun with pals when you feel like you need to be accomplishing something all the time. I also have a full time job and trying to stay on top of a blog and hang out with friends can be hard to juggle. Ah and I love this outfit you look awesome!
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I get you. While I don’t have a full time job in a common sense of the word (I sew clothes at home), it seems to make things even harder because I have a hard time telling people I can’t make it sometimes. You know, I can’t really excuse myself by saying I can’t go out during the day because I have stuff to do. After all it’s not like I have a job to go to and a boss who can refuse to let me out. People often don’t get it. On top of my non-full-time job I get to take care of two members of my family who live on the other end if the city, I have my own household to run, two dogs and a cat to take care of, a boyfriend I want to actually spend some time with and a blog to write. I wish I had more weekends when I don’t feel guilty about not catering to all of this.
Thanks for opening up and sharing, it’s nice to see how other people’s lives work and to know that I’m not alone with my chaotic version of existence.
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