is it possible?
I’ve been comparing myself to others a lot recently and it’s really bringing me down. It’s hard to find a balance between looking to others for inspiration and not letting yourself feel inadequate. I have this desire to really find my true personal style. I want to look to others for inspiration, but not be a direct reflection of that inspiration. How do we really find our true personal style? We are all unique, so there must be a way to share our uniqueness when it comes to style without it being filtered by what we think we should look like. I always get super excited when trying out new styles, becoming so immersed in those styles, and then finding that everything is a copy of a copy of a copy, and it becomes boring. Social media overwhelms us with all the possibilities and all the similarities, and it starts to feel like we don’t even know who we are anymore; we are all just copying each other in a way. And that’s when comparison kicks in. I want to move away from that, because it really makes me unhappy. I want to find a way to be inspired, but to still be me and not feel like someone else is doing it better. I want to feel like I have something to offer, but that is one of my biggest insecurities in all parts of my life.
I guess my mind was brought to this dilemma recently when re-watching Six Feet Under. If you are familiar, one of the main characters Claire, is in art school and her teacher is trying to explain to them that the art they are making is just a copy of their favourite artist and the reason it’s a copy is because they dislike themselves or they do not value themselves…and it got me thinking about how personal style is just the same. So how do we really dig deep into ourselves and figure out what is us, without our greatest inspiration constantly existing in the back of our minds? I don’t have an answer to this question, it’s something I am thinking a lot about lately as I try to navigate my way through feeling less like I don’t measure up and feeling like my most authentic (ugh, that word is so overused now lol) self.
Please share your thoughts in the comments below. I’d love to delve into this, get your opinions and thoughts. How do we become our most authentic selves when it comes to style and other aspects of our lives?
okay andie 
I’ve definitely been struggling with the comparison bug lately. Not in an authenticity sense (although I think what you’re saying is very valid) but for me it’s just so hard sometimes to be happy with what I have and where I’m at with so much exciting stuff happening to other people on social media. Looking at other people on social media has been making me want more, but like my plate is already full you know? I need to appreciate the full plate instead of starving myself of what is in front of me b/c I’m obsessed with someone else’s plate.
I think the whole authentic thing is such a hard nut to crack–and I mean even if we hit this moment where we feel like we are our most authentic selves then our selves go changing on us! Like things that felt so “me” a few years ago now feel almost alien; was I wrong before or have I just changed. But similarly to my issues with comparison and wanting more than I need, I think sometimes the most authentic moments happen when we are actually able to forget ourselves. We are most ourselves when we are focused on other people or moments or something outside of ourselves b/c we aren’t thinking “what is me?!” we are being “me” without the neuroses…
But I don’t think copies mean we dislike ourselves–I mean especially with art, it’s supposed to connect and make people feel. When we see something and we connect and imitate it isn’t it because we saw ourselves in that art or thing already? The artist maybe painted a piece of us or a piece that is shaped the same as us because they are like us. It’s connection and in a way maybe revelation–we see ourselves not in a mirror but in a painting or picture and then we recreate it externally because it was something internal we hadn’t known before. I mean when we look in a mirror we don’t really see ourselves, not as others see us, not as we really are removed of emotion and internal monologue, but sometimes we can see ourselves better not in a reflection b/c we aren’t looking through a mask of self-emotion and that can be more even more revealing…
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Hey Alex,
I used to pick out the ugliest clothing because I knew no one else would want them. I’m in my 30’s now and still do this. It started from my childhood when my Mom was taking me shoe shopping. Doc Martins were all the rage and I asked her for a pair. She couldn’t afford to get me the real ones and suggested the knock offs instead (as she had my brothers to buy shoes for as well). I told her that I would rather get different shoes because people would know that they were knock offs and make fun of me at school. My Mom never said so, but I know that broke her heart. After that day I swore I would never dress like my friends again, and forged my own style, no matter how hidious. To this day I love rocking my ugly shirts, and even get compliments on them. The trick is now trying to sneak it into office appropriate attire…even then, I don’t really care as long as I love the ugly clothes, that’s all that matters. I will be my own crazy self, to my detriment. My motto is “If you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong.” I guess I would rather be different than like everyone else. Trends are great, but those awful, ugly pieces will have my heart and a place in my closet forever.
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Someone reminded me recently that women have always compared themselves to others–but back in the day, they only had the women in their town or village, which they never left, to compare themselves to. I was convicted by this idea to take a break from social media, Pinterest, etc. But I do come back to it when I truly want some happy inspiration–when I am in the right frame of mind, images remind me that I like my style! The trick is knowing my frame of mind before I partake. Not always easy. Another possible tip: Think of yourself as the protagonist in your own story and how what you wear is a reflection of a current adventure or outing or mood. You are that woman in the village! Chances are, no one you see all day will be put together quite like you are. And as you walk through your day, your look–and countenance–may be inspiring others, or just making them happy.
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This is a great post and one I really identify with. Social media has been overwhelming to me lately, especially since becoming more active in the online entrepreneur and girl boss world. I often look to other successful individuals but, after a while, it seems like I’m seeing the same content all over the place. It’s hard to know what’s authentic and what’s popular. Anyways, this is such an important conversation to have with ourselves and with each other so thank you for starting it. As always, I love your style! Looking forward to seeing it evolve as you make it even more uniquely true to you. ❤️
– Faith
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I love this look!!!
https://anastasiagregory.com/
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I know how you feel! It’s so hard to not look like everyone else style-wise. I sometimes catch myself buying clothes just because I’ve seen it on someone else or just because I know it’s “on trend”. Then I’ll realize later that it doesn’t really reflect my own style or personality. I’ve been going through my closet a lot lately to throw out the things I don’t feel are “me” enough, and I’m trying to slowly but surely figure out my personal style. By the way I really need your thrifting skills! This outfit is amazing.
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Comparing myself to others on Instagram, and struggling with finding what is truly “me” is something I struggle with a lot, too. I love Rebecca from The Clothes Horse’s comment – EXACTLY my thoughts but put in a more eloquent way than I ever could, hah! It’s interesting how even people who I would consider to be very successful, still compare and don’t feel they have enough… it just proves that its something that everyone struggles with, no matter who they are or what they do.
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First off, you are really pretty
Secondly, maybe we all should just do what we love,wear what we love and what it is comfortable.
And by figuring out what we love I’m pretty sure we will end up discovering ourselves,knowing who we are and then when we are soo much in love with ourselves we would stop comparing ourselves to someone else and be comfortable in our skin!
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I know what you’re going through. Recently, I decided to let go of my piano hobby to make time for things that bring me more joy. It was a pretty trivial decision, but for some reason I needed to validate it with others and worried over it from their perspective. I even Googled “Giving up hobbies”, to make sure I wasn’t a total loser. I didn’t find freedom! until I stopped comparing my choices to other people’s. And by the way, you’re such a clear writer and my new fashion inspiration!
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Some of the things you said really resonated with me. I love how you slip a lot of self-reflection into your blog posts. It’s something I really appreciate and you really make style personal 🙂
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I think that personal style has to do with what excites our spirit…if there is a certain item that catches your attention and you feel that rush and tell yourself “yesss that fabric is gorgeous!!!”….creativity is in every step of the way. You get to visualize what it would go well with, explore the type of mood it evokes, and dress it up like you live in a different decade. All of this is different for everyone…its what YOU make of it. Personality and passion will always shine through.
For me personally, I do not know anyone that dresses like I do, or is as passionate. I live outside of Toronto so its difficult to find people that dress vintage. I feel fashionably alone! So I decided to look up vintage bloggers and your website popped up! I might one day blog about my styles which usually are in the 70’s and 80’s era because I feel that the outfits I find are wonderful and that their beauty should be shared.
Stacey
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