I apologize for being sort of absent last week – I had such a nutty, busy week. I can’t complain though, often times I feel really lucky to be so busy doing all the things I love most. Our dance production, Choices, took up most of my time this past week, and thank goodness for that because I don’t think our two performances would have been as wonderful as they were without everyones hard work and time. I don’t talk about dance much on here – it’s just a thing you guys know I do – but dance is a huge part of who I am. It’s hard to explain without it sounding so cheesy and non-sensical, but my solo in the show entitled Solace, was a piece that was very personal to Shameka (the choreographer) and me. It was a story about her and at the same time, it felt like a story about me. So many people said such wonderful things about my piece – about the way I danced it, about how captivating it was – such kind words that all I could really muster was simple thank yous, which feels so insincere, but really there were no words for how grateful I was feeling during this time. When you are really able to just let go of your inhibitions and just be who you are on stage, well it is unlike any feeling I can articulate. And having people feel with you, even though they are sitting in seats many feet away, unable to really understand the inner workings of your mind at that very moment, it is again a feeling I will never be able to articulate. But it is special, and will always be special to me. That’s all I want to do as a dancer and as an artist – I want to feel with intention and I want others to feel with me. I came away from this show realizing that our bodies and our minds can be painfully connected, sometimes they fight each other when we are not at ease, but when we allow ourselves to just be, the two can work so harmoniously together, if only for a moment, we can find solace.
When I put this outfit on I thought to myself “Okay, you’ve become a librarian or a Sunday School teacher, or both. Maybe you’re a librarian during the work week and Sunday School teacher on…Sundays. Either way, you look like someone with a seemingly stuffy and boring profession.” Not really a fair judgement of either occupation – singing songs with children on Sundays is probably a lot of fun and being surrounded by books all day would also be awesome – but you get what I mean. All this to say, the way I dress now seems incredibly reserved to the way I used to dress as a teenager. I like thinking about how we as humans are always changing and evolving. Some people do it a rapid rate, others seemingly stay the same way for a long time as if they have been certain of themselves all along. I’ve always been a person of change. My appearance and dressing myself has always felt like art to me, and as soon as I grow tired of the art I’m producing I change it up, taking on a new aesthetic. I think thats why I love vintage so much. There is always something new to learn about how people used to present themselves. We can take cues from the past and present them in a modern way or we can just downright look like we teleported from “insert your favourite era”. Either way, it feels like a mindful way of getting dressed. Instead of just allowing present trends to dictate the things we wear, we can assume identity through a myriad of pieces that no longer fall under a category.
I’m not sure if it’s the weather or some other factor unbeknownst to me, but I’ve been feeling a bit down of late. That down feeling usually manifests into obsessing over some particular thing in my life that I believe needs fixing. In this case, my home. Moving is always a transition, and while it’s been over 1 month, I still don’t feel like everything is as it should be. Our home leaves a lot to be desired – there are many things about the construction and interior of the house that have left me a bit baffled. It’s small things like maybe repainting some cupboards and reorganizing some rooms that could make the whole place better suited to my taste. But the problem I have – and have always had – is I never look at each thing that needs to be tackled as a separate. I look at everything all at once, as a whole, and it makes me feel like there is an endless amount of things that need to be done, and how can little ol’ me do ALL of those things right now?! It’s a horrible way to look at a problem when you need to tackle something. It becomes this cycle of not doing because you are thinking about how much needs doing, and you become so overwhelmed by it that nothing ever comes to fruition. Sheesh, right!? Does anyone else have this problem? Maybe even tips on how to get out of this cycle? At this point I’ve taken to reading Not That Kind of Girl (not the book I’m holding in these pictures, but this one is way prettier – sometimes I buy old books just for their pretty covers), listening to Serial podcast and re-watching the entire series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer just to get my mind off my new-found obsession with wandering around my apartment thinking of all the things I’d love to fix and then wanting to run away from my house because I’ve made myself incredibly overwhelmed.
Anyways, a day in the life, I suppose. I hope you’ve all been having a far more cheerful time, and if you’re not, at the very least, you know you are not alone.
No, sadly, this is not my home. But it is Meaghan and Nick’s new apartment! Gorgeous, right!? (and of course my blogger brain immediately sees a nice place and thinks of all the photos I could take inside it). On Saturday morning I headed over to check out their new, beautiful digs and drink coffee with Meg. I’m sure some of you out there are like, “ya, whatever, it’s an apartment…you should see MY apartment.” But what you don’t know – unless you live in Toronto – is that finding a place like this, is not easy. The rent is either horrifying, or it gets snatched up within seconds or they just never become available because no one is giving that shit up. But, what we have found is word of mouth is the best way to find a nice place in Toronto. The good places are usually rented to a friend if the current tenant is leaving, which makes sense. When I was leaving the Everglades I had lots of people interested in taking my apartment. Good places just never get listed because there will absolutely be someone you know who wants to snatch it from you. Anyways, that’s my piece of advice for the day. Wanna find a nice place? Tell the internet/fb/instagram/whatever.
This has sort of been my go-to outfit for the last little while – a button up blouse of some sort, and a wool tartan skirt. The cold weather rolls in, and I’m always giving off 60s librarian vibes. I think I said at one point that I prefer dressing for Summer (that was probably when Winter lasted forever and I was hating everything), but I lied. I like this much, much better. Once it got cold, and I started pulling out all my Fall/Winter clothes, I sort of felt like myself again.
I hope you all had a lovely weekend. Mine was actually really great – one of those weekends where you get a lot accomplished, but also had time for friends and relaxation. I have the day off today, but I’ve got lots of photo taking to do, so I should get to that. Bye for now you lil’ freaks.
*photos by Meaghan
Skirt: vintage Pendleton via Public Butter
My pictures have been a little boring as of late. Now that I have moved, I’m trying to seek out new locations that are a little more close by to take my pictures at. My old haunts are still not that far, but they are no longer walking distance, and I much prefer to walk to a location than to take transit. I scoped out a school near by recently that I would really like to take some fun images at, but the gates were all locked and I’m not much of a rebel these days (when did that happen!?). So here we are with a plain old wall. However, my home is coming together (slowly, but surely) and I’m excited to share it with you, in the form of some much more interesting shoots.
Recently most of my outfits have been in shades similar to this one – brown, mustard, black, burnt orange. My fall wardrobe consists mostly of these colours, and it got me thinking I need to add a few more colours to my palette. But for now, this works just fine – why fight the things you obviously like?! I threw this outfit together before a surprise party I went to over the weekend and quite liked it. Sometimes the outfits we throw together with little thought end up being the best ones. I would say, however, if I had a mustard skirt to match my blouse, this outfit would be better. But I’ve been unable to find one anywhere (let a girl know if you have seen any!) Maybe it’s time I bring out the ol’ sewing machine, and make a skirt just like this one in several colours. You can never go wrong with an a-line button down mini. The 70s knew what they were doing when they made this guy, that’s for sure.
Anyways, It’s Thanksgiving Monday, which means I have the day off, and I’ve got some vintage soaking in the tub that needs to be rinsed and hung to dry before they head to their new homes, so I must be off. To all my Canadian readers, Happy Thanksgiving! Hug your parents for me, because I don’t get to see mine.