Health, Vitality and Clothes

OKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesIT’S BEEN AWHILE, HASN’T IT?

I wish I could come up with some good reason why I haven’t updated this space in 2 months. It’s probably a combination of not feeling like writing unless it’s in the moment (which ends up on my insta), being a bit bored of blogging and going through a pretty rough bout of depression. Since going through my last depression, I’m trying to make a real effort to become aware of the signs while I’m well, and looking for ways to cope more appropriately (is there an appropriate way to cope?) so that if and when it comes back, I may not lose myself so badly. I didn’t realize how bad it really was until I came out of it. I’m a high functioning depressive, in that I’m still able to get out of bed, work, live, but my personal life and self-care always goes to shit. I wrote this on my insta, and I feel like it sums up alot of what I went through and how I processed my experience after:

“From what I can estimate, for the last month (edit: since writing this and having more time to recall, I was experiencing depression far longer than this) I had the veil of depression cloaked over me. Looking back now it’s so easy to see how delusional I was. During it, however, the delusion was my reality. I think I lost 5-10lbs from eating a disturbingly small amount. I spent whole days in bed counting the hours till I could go back to sleep. I became paranoid and anxious. I pushed people away. I started to believe everything was falling apart because my mind was falling apart. My brain felt like it was slowly killing me, and in a way, it was. Delusion is the hardest part to overcome when going through a depressive episode. No matter how many times a healthy minded person tells you you are loved and should feel hopeful, your sick brain tells you they don’t know anything. I am grateful to be on the other side right now, but that gratefulness only exists because of how sick I was. It’s a double edged sword. Andrew Solomon once said, “the opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality”, and nothing has felt more accurate to me. Happiness doesn’t make you prosper, will does. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” and depression sucks that will, that vitality, into oblivion so there is no way. I have spent the last 15 years battling depression. That number, I imagine, would have you believe I have any idea what I’m doing, that I should be an expert at this point. But each time I fall into a depressive episode I feel like a child trying to figure out my new experience. The one thing that my struggle has consistently reminded me is that I need to speak about it. I need for others to know they are not alone. That maybe they can see themselves in my words. The truth is, knowing you are unique but not entirely unique in emotional experience can be of great comfort. There is no one else like you. No one else has your experience. But, experience can be shared. It can open doors so that we may see ourselves in someone else. So that while we may be trapped inside our respective bodies and minds, there is a connection that spans us all, because seeing others is seeing yourself.”

So there it is, slowly but surely trying to work myself back to health and vitality.

One thing that never wavered was my love for clothes and styling, obviously. My favourite season is here now and it’s helping me to feel more like myself. Blazers have taken over my wardrobe in a big way. I’ve brought 5 new-to me ones into my life over the last month (over-kill much?). As cliché as it sounds, they give me a sense of strength, which has been helpful while not actually feeling that way. Outfits like this are kind of my go-to when I’m unsure of what to wear or how I’m feeling about myself. I always know I will feel good in a pair of high waisted mom jeans, button down blouse and simple yet interesting (I wish I had a better word) accessories.

What are those clothes for you?


WHAT I WORE

Blazer: H&M (similar) | Vintage silk blouse: CS | Jeans: vintage Levi’s 512 | vintage purse: CS | vintage boots | Necklaces c/o Chupi and TKO | Earrings c/o TKO

OKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesOKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesOKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesOKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesOKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesOKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and Clothes

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Body & Mind

OKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & MindI’m going to put this out there…

I’ve been struggling with my body a lot lately. I’ve been far less active in the last year or so than I have ever been in my life, and I am slowly watching my body change. In a way I imagine only I really notice, but at the end of the day how we feel about ourselves is all that matters. Being a dancer for all of my life, dancing at least 3-4 times a week, sometimes up to everyday of the week, I never had to think about working out or staying fit; the thing I was most passionate about was already keeping my body toned and healthy. But I haven’t been dancing that much recently. To be honest, not at all until about a month ago. It all makes sense…continue to eat the way you always do, which is to say, eating whatever I want, and then not being physically active at all…it’s obvious your body will start to change. My thighs have grown, along with my butt, my abs aren’t as defined anymore, my arms don’t look as toned…I just look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself. So, okay, I’ve spent a “good” amount of time feeling bad about it, but feeling bad isn’t going to change anything. My goal is to get active again. Awhile ago I tried going to the gym and surprisingly I really enjoyed it, like really really enjoyed it. But then winter rolled around, the gym isn’t all that close to my home, I got lazy and stopped going. But something in me is pushing me to start again, to do more things that will not only make me recognize myself again, but to also help with my anxiety. Physical activity has always helped me feel better when I feel absolutely shaken (literally) by anxiety. Realistically I think I could get to the gym 3-4 times a week. My work now allows for me to make my own schedule, so starting my day with the gym is totally reasonable and honestly seems like a lovely way to start my day. That combined with biking, I think I could get back to a place where I feel physically and mentally stronger.

So there it is, out there in the world. I’m hoping by putting this in writing I will make an honest change, and maybe help you to feel more positive about things, whatever that thing may be. Goodness knows I can be a negative nancy, and while that’s something about me I don’t necessarily hate (i think it keeps me in check), I feel like giving myself a little bit of hope and self-care could go a long way.

-WHAT I WORE-
Denim jacket: vintage Wrangler (similar) | Overalls: vintage Guess (similar) | Shirt: Banana Republic (similar) | Shoes: Dr. Martens | Purse: CS | Belt: vintage
OKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & Mind

It’s Me!

OKAY ANDIE | It's MeOKAY ANDIE | It's MeHello, yes, i am still alive

Lately I have had the best intentions with this space, and the worst follow through. I’ve been taking pictures nearly every week of my outfits, but I never quite get around to writing up a blog post and I’ve certainly felt a lack in creativity when it comes to interesting content to share. I’m now working a job that is so similar to this (clothing, social media, blogging) that it kind of feels like it takes up all my creative energy. Maybe these are just excuses, but in a way I think I am just trying to figure out why something I so enjoyed doing before has now become an after thought. Most of my attention is paid to my instagram; it’s faster and it’s where I get most of my paid work…but time and money was never something this space was about. It still isn’t. But finding balance is difficult and so you have to choose what is most important and what needs your attention first. Continue reading

Becoming Ourselves

OKAY ANDIE | Becoming OurselvesOKAY ANDIE | Becoming Ourselvesis it possible?

I’ve been comparing myself to others a lot recently and it’s really bringing me down. It’s hard to find a balance between looking to others for inspiration and not letting yourself feel inadequate. I have this desire to really find my true personal style. I want to look to others for inspiration, but not be a direct reflection of that inspiration. How do we really find our true personal style? We are all unique, so there must be a way to share our uniqueness when it comes to style without it being filtered by what we think we should look like. I always get super excited when trying out new styles, becoming so immersed in those styles, and then finding that everything is a copy of a copy of a copy, and it becomes boring. Social media overwhelms us with all the possibilities and all the similarities, and it starts to feel like we don’t even know who we are anymore; we are all just copying each other in a way. And that’s when comparison kicks in. I want to move away from that, because it really makes me unhappy. I want to find a way to be inspired, but to still be me and not feel like someone else is doing it better. I want to feel like I have something to offer, but that is one of my biggest insecurities in all parts of my life.

I guess my mind was brought to this dilemma recently when re-watching Six Feet Under. If you are familiar, one of the main characters Claire, is in art school and her teacher is trying to explain to them that the art they are making is just a copy of their favourite artist and the reason it’s a copy is because they dislike themselves or they do not value themselves…and it got me thinking about how personal style is just the same. So how do we really dig deep into ourselves and figure out what is us, without our greatest inspiration constantly existing in the back of our minds? I don’t have an answer to this question, it’s something I am thinking a lot about lately as I try to navigate my way through feeling less like I don’t measure up and feeling like my most authentic (ugh, that word is so overused now lol) self.

Please share your thoughts in the comments below. I’d love to delve into this, get your opinions and thoughts. How do we become our most authentic selves when it comes to style and other aspects of our lives?

-WHAT I WORE-
Blouse, Jeans and Swimsuit: secondhand via CS | Shoes c/o Public Desire (old, but they have many similar styles here | Purse: vintage
OKAY ANDIE | Becoming OurselvesOKAY ANDIE | Becoming OurselvesOKAY ANDIE | Becoming OurselvesOKAY ANDIE | Becoming OurselvesOKAY ANDIE | Becoming OurselvesOKAY ANDIE | Becoming OurselvesOKAY ANDIE | Becoming OurselvesOKAY ANDIE | Becoming Ourselves

Handy(wo)man

OKAY ANDIE | Handy(wo)manOKAY ANDIE | Handy(wo)manLET’S TALK STYLE

Most of my inspiration for dressing comes from the internet. That’s probably why I love blogging and sharing on instagram so much; putting my ideas out there and viewing other peoples ideas and constantly having a cycle of inspiration to draw from. And then every once in awhile I get inspiration from a totally random place, that seemingly appeared from nowhere. Continue reading