Health, Vitality and Clothes

OKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesIT’S BEEN AWHILE, HASN’T IT?

I wish I could come up with some good reason why I haven’t updated this space in 2 months. It’s probably a combination of not feeling like writing unless it’s in the moment (which ends up on my insta), being a bit bored of blogging and going through a pretty rough bout of depression. Since going through my last depression, I’m trying to make a real effort to become aware of the signs while I’m well, and looking for ways to cope more appropriately (is there an appropriate way to cope?) so that if and when it comes back, I may not lose myself so badly. I didn’t realize how bad it really was until I came out of it. I’m a high functioning depressive, in that I’m still able to get out of bed, work, live, but my personal life and self-care always goes to shit. I wrote this on my insta, and I feel like it sums up alot of what I went through and how I processed my experience after:

“From what I can estimate, for the last month (edit: since writing this and having more time to recall, I was experiencing depression far longer than this) I had the veil of depression cloaked over me. Looking back now it’s so easy to see how delusional I was. During it, however, the delusion was my reality. I think I lost 5-10lbs from eating a disturbingly small amount. I spent whole days in bed counting the hours till I could go back to sleep. I became paranoid and anxious. I pushed people away. I started to believe everything was falling apart because my mind was falling apart. My brain felt like it was slowly killing me, and in a way, it was. Delusion is the hardest part to overcome when going through a depressive episode. No matter how many times a healthy minded person tells you you are loved and should feel hopeful, your sick brain tells you they don’t know anything. I am grateful to be on the other side right now, but that gratefulness only exists because of how sick I was. It’s a double edged sword. Andrew Solomon once said, “the opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality”, and nothing has felt more accurate to me. Happiness doesn’t make you prosper, will does. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” and depression sucks that will, that vitality, into oblivion so there is no way. I have spent the last 15 years battling depression. That number, I imagine, would have you believe I have any idea what I’m doing, that I should be an expert at this point. But each time I fall into a depressive episode I feel like a child trying to figure out my new experience. The one thing that my struggle has consistently reminded me is that I need to speak about it. I need for others to know they are not alone. That maybe they can see themselves in my words. The truth is, knowing you are unique but not entirely unique in emotional experience can be of great comfort. There is no one else like you. No one else has your experience. But, experience can be shared. It can open doors so that we may see ourselves in someone else. So that while we may be trapped inside our respective bodies and minds, there is a connection that spans us all, because seeing others is seeing yourself.”

So there it is, slowly but surely trying to work myself back to health and vitality.

One thing that never wavered was my love for clothes and styling, obviously. My favourite season is here now and it’s helping me to feel more like myself. Blazers have taken over my wardrobe in a big way. I’ve brought 5 new-to me ones into my life over the last month (over-kill much?). As cliché as it sounds, they give me a sense of strength, which has been helpful while not actually feeling that way. Outfits like this are kind of my go-to when I’m unsure of what to wear or how I’m feeling about myself. I always know I will feel good in a pair of high waisted mom jeans, button down blouse and simple yet interesting (I wish I had a better word) accessories.

What are those clothes for you?


WHAT I WORE

Blazer: H&M (similar) | Vintage silk blouse: CS | Jeans: vintage Levi’s 512 | vintage purse: CS | vintage boots | Necklaces c/o Chupi and TKO | Earrings c/o TKO

OKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesOKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesOKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesOKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesOKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesOKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and Clothes

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Go Go Gadget

OKAY ANDIE | Go Go GadgetOKAY ANDIE | Go Go Gadgetshooting with my new camera

It has been awhile since I had shot myself outdoors. I used to be a stickler for having an outfit post every week, but with my new job over the last year (more on that one day), and a desire to just chill out once in awhile, I decided I would do what I could when I felt inspired and stop beating myself up when things didn’t work out as planned. So, I don’t post near as much as I used to here, but I do post to instagram most days since it feels easier, less exhausting and more immediate/raw. Anywaysssss, all this to say, Zach bought me a new camera for Christmas, Nikon D5500, to be exact, and it wasn’t until last week that I even brought it outside to shoot myself for outfit photos.

I’m still getting used to its new features (touch screen and wifi, weeeooo!) and I am now using an app on my phone to connect to my camera and help me shoot my self portraits. It’s not the greatest app and definitely has flaws, but once I get really comfortable with it, I think it’s going to be a great help, it already has been tbh. I used to miss focus a lot when I was shooting myself. It just was never quite there. You don’t know (or maybe you do) how hard it is to focus a camera when there is no subject to focus on other than a purse. Being able to tap on myself on my phone screen to focus has been exponentially helpful. Much of my time was wasted on focusing and missing and refocusing and so on, so I’m hoping with the time saved on that it will feel less daunting to shoot my images, especially on colder days when I want to just get in and out (out and in, in this case), as they say.

How are ya’ll doing? I gained a lot of new followers over the last couple weeks, so hello to all you new friends!  Thanks for following! Please do comment letting me know about yourself. I love getting to know my readers ❤

-WHAT I WORE-
Shirt: Club Monaco (similar) via CS | Sweater: MOTH. (sort of similar) via CS | Jacket: vintage (similar) via CS | Purse: vintage Coach via CS | Socks: Topshop | Hat: Fossil (similar) via CS | Shoes: Dr.Martens
OKAY ANDIE | Go Go GadgetOKAY ANDIE | Go Go GadgetOKAY ANDIE | Go Go Gadget

A Year In The Life

OKAY ANDIE | A Year In The LifeHappy New Year M’Loves

I’m not really one for New Year’s resolutions, so you won’t be getting any lists like that here. But when a new year comes, how ever man made it is, you can’t really help but feel like it’s a fresh start, a marker of sorts, for acknowledging the past and looking to the future. This year for me has certainly been up and down, as all years are for everyone, really. I went through depression that felt like it would be the end of me. I had days of complete elation where I felt incredibly lucky to be alive. I learned from a dear friend that to be in a lasting relationship you must choose that person everyday and that sometimes is easy to forget. I met some of the most kind and beautiful people on this planet. I’ve learned new skills that I am proud to have and that I am much too hard on myself. I’ve had moments of feeling like the luckiest person in the world, surrounded by love and moments of hating myself so deeply I wasn’t sure if anyone in this world genuinely liked me. I’ve talked about my feelings and bottled them up. I’ve laid in bed all day watching netflix and got painfully sunburnt swimming in the warm and salty sea. I’ve yelled until it hurt. I’ve laughed until it hurt. I’ve lived the only way I know how. As I do, everyday, of every year.

There are big markers, good and bad, for every year. But years are also made up of small moments and details that weave in and out of the big ones that make up most of our lives. They say you can’t see the forest for the trees, but sometimes acknowledging those trees can help to see the forest for what it is. We are mean’t to do things with our life, but just existing and living is doing something too. It’s okay not to be the best or the worst and it’s okay to have no real plan at all. There is a system and societal structure to this life that can make us feel inadequate and exhausted, but realizing that a slow pace is still a pace, afterall, can be a relief like no other.

As always, thank you guys for being here. I didn’t post near as much as I did in previous years. I’ve written and deleted countless posts for the reason why, but in the end, it probably needs no explanation. I am here now, and that’s all that matters.

I love you all and you enrich my life by just stopping by here. I hope my words and images do the same for you.

-WHAT I WORE-
pant suit: Zara via CS | Blouse: Anne Klein via CS | Jacket: Topshop | Socks c/o Tabbisocks | Shoes: Seychelles
OKAY ANDIE | A Year In The LifeOKAY ANDIE | A Year In The Life

photos by Zach

 

It’s the most wonderful time of the year

OKAY ANDIE | It's The Most Wonderful Time of the YearOKAY ANDIE | It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year…most of the time

These days you can pretty well always find me in pants and a jumper (usually, a rollneck). My jeans and trouser collection has become pretty extensive in the last year, and since the cold season has arrived, so has my jumper collection. Dressing for autumn/winter has always been my favourite. Sure, dressing for the summer is always a welcome change after a long winter, but I feel most myself this time of year. Autumnal/winter shades are my favourite and suit my hair/skin tone most, plus being dressed in layers of warmth is something I will never tire of. Each summer I feel like I go through a confusing period of not knowing how to dress or what feels most like me, and then autumn rolls around and I fall (pun!) into it with ease. I love most things about this time of year, yes, but I’m not going to give it all the glory, anything that reaches subzero temperatures and can literally freeze parts of your body can’t be all that good, right?

-WHAT I WORE-
Jumper: Jcrew via CS | Jeans: H&M | Coat & purse: vintage | Boots via CS
OKAY ANDIE | It's The Most Wonderful Time of the YearOKAY ANDIE | It's The Most Wonderful Time of the YearOKAY ANDIE | It's The Most Wonderful Time of the YearOKAY ANDIE | It's The Most Wonderful Time of the YearOKAY ANDIE | It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

My Current Favourite Jewelry

OKAY ANDIE | My Current Favourite Jewelrya girls best friend, or whatever

For the past several years I’ve had no real interest in jewelry. I have always worn a few fairly subtle rings that were, of course, for aesthetic purposes, but mostly for sentimental reasons. In the last year, and probably even more so in the last few months, I’ve really liked adding a simple necklace to an otherwise uncomplicated outfit, or something a bit more eye catching to really pull a look together, and pretty much always beautiful crafted, generally dainty (but sometimes not) rings. I thought I’d share some of the pieces I have been wearing the most with you guys today.
OKAY ANDIE | My Current Favourite JewelryOKAY ANDIE | My Current Favourite JewelryBolo by WellDunn

I’ve been looking for a really great bolo for some time now, so when Well Dunn contacted me to see if I would like something from their store I was pretty excited to see they have a plethora of bolo necklaces, all unique in their own right. I wouldn’t really consider myself very boho, I can get down with it from time to time, but not on a regular basis, so this bolo felt like the perfect fit for me; slightly boho but still very chic depending on how you style it. Plus, the black and tan leather mix makes it a bit more fun than your average bolo, but still, really simple.OKAY ANDIE | My Current Favourite JewelryOKAY ANDIE | My Current Favourite JewelryOKAY ANDIE | My Current Favourite JewelryStone Ring from Common Sort, Petal Vintage Ring and Aelia Hammered Ring by Eclectic Eccentricty

I have always worn rings. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t. Unfortunately, I have lost a lot of rings that meant quite a lot to me over the years. The ring department has started to dwindle, to put it lightly, so I’m always looking for new rings to add. These three here I have been wearing quite a lot lately, although I usually don’t wear them all together. The aqua stone ring is from Common Sort, unfortunately I don’t know the maker of the ring and the two bands are from Eclectic Eccentricity, of which they carry a lot of really interesting and beautiful rings.OKAY ANDIE | My Current Favourite JewelryOKAY ANDIE | My Current Favourite JewelryVintage Glass Leave Necklace by Eclectic Eccentricity

Adding simple, dainty necklaces to my outfits has been something I’ve been doing a lot lately. It is pretty certain I won’t leave (see what I did there) the house without one on. This leave necklace from EE is one I pretty much always have on. I love the subtle bit of colour it adds to my sometimes colourless outfits and after shooting these, I realized it matches m’eyeballs, sooooo, bonus points. If I’m being honest though, when I ordered this necklace, I was quite prepared for the chain on it to be much longer than I wanted. I don’t really like necklaces that dangle down my chest, and I have been unpleasantly surprised many times, receiving jewelry that didn’t quite look like it did online, so I was really happy to see this necklace was the perfect length and did actually look like the images I ordered from.

*some or all of the products featured were given to me by the brand, but my choosing to share them is due to my v real love of them.