I’m going to put this out there…
I’ve been struggling with my body a lot lately. I’ve been far less active in the last year or so than I have ever been in my life, and I am slowly watching my body change. In a way I imagine only I really notice, but at the end of the day how we feel about ourselves is all that matters. Being a dancer for all of my life, dancing at least 3-4 times a week, sometimes up to everyday of the week, I never had to think about working out or staying fit; the thing I was most passionate about was already keeping my body toned and healthy. But I haven’t been dancing that much recently. To be honest, not at all until about a month ago. It all makes sense…continue to eat the way you always do, which is to say, eating whatever I want, and then not being physically active at all…it’s obvious your body will start to change. My thighs have grown, along with my butt, my abs aren’t as defined anymore, my arms don’t look as toned…I just look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself. So, okay, I’ve spent a “good” amount of time feeling bad about it, but feeling bad isn’t going to change anything. My goal is to get active again. Awhile ago I tried going to the gym and surprisingly I really enjoyed it, like really really enjoyed it. But then winter rolled around, the gym isn’t all that close to my home, I got lazy and stopped going. But something in me is pushing me to start again, to do more things that will not only make me recognize myself again, but to also help with my anxiety. Physical activity has always helped me feel better when I feel absolutely shaken (literally) by anxiety. Realistically I think I could get to the gym 3-4 times a week. My work now allows for me to make my own schedule, so starting my day with the gym is totally reasonable and honestly seems like a lovely way to start my day. That combined with biking, I think I could get back to a place where I feel physically and mentally stronger.
So there it is, out there in the world. I’m hoping by putting this in writing I will make an honest change, and maybe help you to feel more positive about things, whatever that thing may be. Goodness knows I can be a negative nancy, and while that’s something about me I don’t necessarily hate (i think it keeps me in check), I feel like giving myself a little bit of hope and self-care could go a long way.
My parents have lived along this bike path as long as I’ve been alive, or rather, as long as my older brother has been alive, so about 29 years now. We first lived in a town house in a little courtyard along the bike path and then moved a street over to a bungalow backing onto the bike path. This path and forest has seen me through years and years of childhood games, teenage rebellion and a whole lot of over-dramatic sassyness. It’s as much part of my childhood and teen years as our family home, so I felt compelled to share a bit of that with you while I was in Ottawa visiting my family for Christmas. It actually felt pretty lovely that snow fell on this particular day, because before then there was absolutely no snow in Ottawa and the temperatures were much more like early fall than late winter. I honestly don’t much like snow, but it’s beautiful when you are just looking at it and not trudging through it, so I was glad that it showed up on the day I decided to snap some photos. I’m back in Toronto now, but it was nice to spend some time with family, start feeling like a human again (read: not sick) and recharge for the New Year.
Pinafore c/o 
okay andie 