Health, Vitality and Clothes

OKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesIT’S BEEN AWHILE, HASN’T IT?

I wish I could come up with some good reason why I haven’t updated this space in 2 months. It’s probably a combination of not feeling like writing unless it’s in the moment (which ends up on my insta), being a bit bored of blogging and going through a pretty rough bout of depression. Since going through my last depression, I’m trying to make a real effort to become aware of the signs while I’m well, and looking for ways to cope more appropriately (is there an appropriate way to cope?) so that if and when it comes back, I may not lose myself so badly. I didn’t realize how bad it really was until I came out of it. I’m a high functioning depressive, in that I’m still able to get out of bed, work, live, but my personal life and self-care always goes to shit. I wrote this on my insta, and I feel like it sums up alot of what I went through and how I processed my experience after:

“From what I can estimate, for the last month (edit: since writing this and having more time to recall, I was experiencing depression far longer than this) I had the veil of depression cloaked over me. Looking back now it’s so easy to see how delusional I was. During it, however, the delusion was my reality. I think I lost 5-10lbs from eating a disturbingly small amount. I spent whole days in bed counting the hours till I could go back to sleep. I became paranoid and anxious. I pushed people away. I started to believe everything was falling apart because my mind was falling apart. My brain felt like it was slowly killing me, and in a way, it was. Delusion is the hardest part to overcome when going through a depressive episode. No matter how many times a healthy minded person tells you you are loved and should feel hopeful, your sick brain tells you they don’t know anything. I am grateful to be on the other side right now, but that gratefulness only exists because of how sick I was. It’s a double edged sword. Andrew Solomon once said, “the opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality”, and nothing has felt more accurate to me. Happiness doesn’t make you prosper, will does. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” and depression sucks that will, that vitality, into oblivion so there is no way. I have spent the last 15 years battling depression. That number, I imagine, would have you believe I have any idea what I’m doing, that I should be an expert at this point. But each time I fall into a depressive episode I feel like a child trying to figure out my new experience. The one thing that my struggle has consistently reminded me is that I need to speak about it. I need for others to know they are not alone. That maybe they can see themselves in my words. The truth is, knowing you are unique but not entirely unique in emotional experience can be of great comfort. There is no one else like you. No one else has your experience. But, experience can be shared. It can open doors so that we may see ourselves in someone else. So that while we may be trapped inside our respective bodies and minds, there is a connection that spans us all, because seeing others is seeing yourself.”

So there it is, slowly but surely trying to work myself back to health and vitality.

One thing that never wavered was my love for clothes and styling, obviously. My favourite season is here now and it’s helping me to feel more like myself. Blazers have taken over my wardrobe in a big way. I’ve brought 5 new-to me ones into my life over the last month (over-kill much?). As cliché as it sounds, they give me a sense of strength, which has been helpful while not actually feeling that way. Outfits like this are kind of my go-to when I’m unsure of what to wear or how I’m feeling about myself. I always know I will feel good in a pair of high waisted mom jeans, button down blouse and simple yet interesting (I wish I had a better word) accessories.

What are those clothes for you?


WHAT I WORE

Blazer: H&M (similar) | Vintage silk blouse: CS | Jeans: vintage Levi’s 512 | vintage purse: CS | vintage boots | Necklaces c/o Chupi and TKO | Earrings c/o TKO

OKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesOKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesOKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesOKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesOKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and ClothesOKAY ANDIE | Health, Vitality and Clothes

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Body & Mind

OKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & MindI’m going to put this out there…

I’ve been struggling with my body a lot lately. I’ve been far less active in the last year or so than I have ever been in my life, and I am slowly watching my body change. In a way I imagine only I really notice, but at the end of the day how we feel about ourselves is all that matters. Being a dancer for all of my life, dancing at least 3-4 times a week, sometimes up to everyday of the week, I never had to think about working out or staying fit; the thing I was most passionate about was already keeping my body toned and healthy. But I haven’t been dancing that much recently. To be honest, not at all until about a month ago. It all makes sense…continue to eat the way you always do, which is to say, eating whatever I want, and then not being physically active at all…it’s obvious your body will start to change. My thighs have grown, along with my butt, my abs aren’t as defined anymore, my arms don’t look as toned…I just look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself. So, okay, I’ve spent a “good” amount of time feeling bad about it, but feeling bad isn’t going to change anything. My goal is to get active again. Awhile ago I tried going to the gym and surprisingly I really enjoyed it, like really really enjoyed it. But then winter rolled around, the gym isn’t all that close to my home, I got lazy and stopped going. But something in me is pushing me to start again, to do more things that will not only make me recognize myself again, but to also help with my anxiety. Physical activity has always helped me feel better when I feel absolutely shaken (literally) by anxiety. Realistically I think I could get to the gym 3-4 times a week. My work now allows for me to make my own schedule, so starting my day with the gym is totally reasonable and honestly seems like a lovely way to start my day. That combined with biking, I think I could get back to a place where I feel physically and mentally stronger.

So there it is, out there in the world. I’m hoping by putting this in writing I will make an honest change, and maybe help you to feel more positive about things, whatever that thing may be. Goodness knows I can be a negative nancy, and while that’s something about me I don’t necessarily hate (i think it keeps me in check), I feel like giving myself a little bit of hope and self-care could go a long way.

-WHAT I WORE-
Denim jacket: vintage Wrangler (similar) | Overalls: vintage Guess (similar) | Shirt: Banana Republic (similar) | Shoes: Dr. Martens | Purse: CS | Belt: vintage
OKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & Mind

Handy(wo)man

OKAY ANDIE | Handy(wo)manOKAY ANDIE | Handy(wo)manLET’S TALK STYLE

Most of my inspiration for dressing comes from the internet. That’s probably why I love blogging and sharing on instagram so much; putting my ideas out there and viewing other peoples ideas and constantly having a cycle of inspiration to draw from. And then every once in awhile I get inspiration from a totally random place, that seemingly appeared from nowhere. Continue reading

The French Cuff

OKAY ANDIE | The French CuffOKAY ANDIE | The French CuffOKAY ANDIE | The French CuffBe still, my heart

For the longest time, I didn’t understand french cuffs…or rather, I didn’t understand how they could work for me. French cuffs seemed like something only fancy men would wear to a black tie event…or like Don Cherry. They seemed impractical and thus, useless to me. It wasn’t until this long-longsleeve trend started happening, that I started to look at french cuffs in a new light. I am certainly not wearing them how they were designed to be worn, but I am wearing them in a way that works for me. And so I’ve been trying to play with clothes in this way sometimes…wearing them not necessarily how they were intended but in a way that makes sense for me and adds interest to my outfits. I never truly got down with the minimalist trend that happened, but there is this new wave post-minimalism style that makes sense to me. It combines function and basic-ness with something more exciting…it’s like haute fashion for the normal people of this world, which is certainly me.

One of my followers on instagram asked me the other day how I would describe my style…and I was left a bit perplexed, because I often feel like I dress several different ways. Somedays it is romantic, with ruffles and bows and girly shit, other days very post-minimalist, sometimes it’s the simplicity of Parisian style, some days I’d describe it as “boy”, sometimes it is so reminiscent of the 70s…it’s all over the map, but there is something congruent about it all when I look at how it reflects my life. I’ve always wanted to fill my life with the things I love. Why can’t you have everything you want? And so my fashion often mirrors that sentiment…I love so many styles and am inspired by so many people that I just want to have it all when it comes to style. And really, that’s how it should be. Style doesn’t have to be defined and you should certainly only be dressing for yourself. If you don’t give a fuck about style then don’t give a fuck about it. And if you do care, show that you care, but only because it is truly something that matters to you and brings joy to your life.

-WHAT I WORE-
Shirt, Trench, Handbag: vintage via CS | Overalls: vintage Jacob | Loafers: Nine West
OKAY ANDIE | The French CuffOKAY ANDIE | The French CuffOKAY ANDIE | The French CuffOKAY ANDIE | The French CuffOKAY ANDIE | The French CuffOKAY ANDIE | The French CuffOKAY ANDIE | The French CuffOKAY ANDIE | The French CuffOKAY ANDIE | The French Cuff

Being Kind To Yourself

OKAY ANDIE | Being Kind To Yourselfhow the hell do we do that?

I shot these awhile back, and until recently, I wasn’t really sure why I hadn’t gotten around to sharing them. Aside from me not totally loving all the images I took, I also found myself being hyper-critical about my appearance…which seems to be my way lately. I have come to learn I am so mean to myself. I never find myself thinking horrible things about the people around me, but for whatever reason, when it comes to me, I am downright nasty. I am certain I am not the only person who does this to themselves.

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