Someone recently left a comment on my blog, specifically on the post about my relationship ending, essentially saying obviously my relationships fail because it must be so annoying dating a blogger (although left in a much more condescending and shitty way). It was a mean, ill informed comment, obviously, that made me feel a little bad. However, I try not to focus on the negative comments I do get because I get a whole lot more kind and sweet ones that are far more important to me than the few that are mean, but it was an interesting comment, and one I’m sure is not at all uncommon. This is a subject that has come up a few times in my life recently, so I felt like maybe I would say something about it, not because I feel like I need to justify my life to anyone, but because I like talking shit out from time to time and I have this platform to do so, maybe others can relate, maybe some are interested, so why not?
I know myself, so I know the person that I am, and I try to bring as much of that person to my blog as I possibly can, but I know at times maybe I don’t come across as the actual human being that I am. I also make a really huge effort not to document all parts of my life because I don’t want to be the person hanging out with others and asking everyone to take a picture of me, stop what they are doing, or snapping photos of my friends when they don’t want to be photographed, so you miss a whole lot of other parts of my life because I would rather not have my blog bleed that much into my real life. I also am well aware that personal style bloggers come across as narcissistic. I mean, how could we not? Pretty well our entire blogs are made up of our faces, talking about ourselves…for people who don’t really care for that sort of thing, it seems really annoying. So why do I photograph myself? Do I love myself to an unnatural degree? Do I think I’m so important that I need people to pay attention to me? Answering those questions feels totally unnecessary. I will say though, I love what I do. I love photography, I love fashion and I love writing. I love that I have made a space where I can share all those things and a place where I can become better at those things. The opportunities I have had because of this space amaze me and the people I have met has been undeniably the best part of doing this. I think a lot of other bloggers would agree that our blogs are our creative space, and while some may choose themselves as the subject, that shouldn’t diminish the value it has as an art form. It all stems from the idea that showing any sign of liking yourself is a negative thing and those that do should be made to feel bad about it. I love myself, but I love myself the way I love my friends and family, and that should not be the exception but the rule.
I guess the main issue that bothers me most about that statement, or any negative comment directed at someone’s personal choices is the question I always have, which is why does anyone even care? And this goes beyond what I’m talking about here and so much more into any decisions people choose to make in their lives; unless it directly affects your life, why does it bother you? I make an active effort not to judge people, especially when I don’t know them. Everyone, everyday, is just trying to get by. Why not try to make peoples lives easier? Why not treat people exactly how we want to be treated? Trolls are trolls, and maybe that troll doesn’t warrant an entire post, but it is the whole that bothers me rather than the one offhand comment. It’s the idea that one small negative comment could affect a persons entire day when it would be just as easy to say something nice, or heck, just don’t say anything at all. We all have a right to our feelings and opinions, but if something really upsets you, or you feel strongly about the choices someone else is making, maybe walk away from it.
In conclusion, trolls be trolling; what would the internet be without them going hard?
Dress: thrifted Zara
Jacket: vintage via Public Butter
Boots: Samantha Pleet x Wolverine
Bow tie: handmade
okay andie 
Thank you for sharing with us as much as you do. It’s an honor to be invited into these little pieces of who you are and to get to see these things you love. Keep being yourself because you are lovely 🙂
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I cannot believe the stupid things that some people (trolls) say!
It bothers me that we (people as a whole, especially women) are made to feel bad about ourselves if we are happy with some aspect of ourselves. Why is it so wrong with a little bit of self love! Why can someone not take pictures of himself/herself and love doing that, and love the results! It pisses me off.
I totally agree that having a blog is a means to having a creative outlet. It’s a place to put down the parts of you that you wish to share with the world. And each blogger has the choice to share how much or little as he/she wishes. That should never ever become a judgement.
And I agree completely, why does anyone care? And that goes for all parts of life, as long as what someone does doesn’t affect anyone else everyone should be free to do what they want to. No-one is forcing the troll to read your blog, so he/she could just leave, and preferably without a shitty comment. Why does it even matter to the troll!?! I can’t understand people sometimes, but I will say this: Good for you for standing up for yourself. And you do the right thing in focusing on the positive comments. Haters gonna hate, it’s not even worth your time!
Much love to you
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I agree, but there’s more to add.
I really liked this post, but I think there is more to be said here. I’m a first-year journalism undergrad at ryerson, and we had a similar discussion about blogging in class last week. We talked about the massive backlash around American Blogger, and what it might mean in a cultural sense. Like, a lot of young girls are developing introductory writing skills and using them to talk about their own lives and perspectives (like you do here), and it’s helpful in a traditional self-help sense — for the small communities who read each blog. What can be dangerous is that often the time spent doing this doesn’t allow the person to hone those skills. Take their writing up to the next level, move into topics beyond themselves, get a writing or journalism degree, take a creative writing course, etc. So we get a whole lot of young women doing low-paying work while maintaining these time-consuming blogs, yet not moving up the job ladder. I’m sure that you’re doing all these things behind the scenes, but with a platform like this, maybe there comes a responsibility to remind young women that they can do more? LOL I say that, but I’m too obsessed with looking at blogs (Manrepeller! Steph Hoff! Coveteur! etc etc) to get off my couch today. Just my
two cents. Thanks for a thoughtful post!
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Very well said!! ❤️❤️
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Comments like that get me SO WORKED UP. I agree with what you’ve written here–for so many of us, a blog is a creative outlet that makes us feel good about the work we’re doing. It’s a point of pride; it’s an occupation; it’s a way to connect with other people; it’s a way to grow and develop our talents. For someone to completely discount all those facets and call the entire enterprise narcissistic, it drives me nuts. Thank you for writing this, and thank you being the kind of person who isn’t quick to judge.
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I’m so sorry you had to deal with such a shitty comment during a hard period. I hope you can eventually forget about it. Just remember that you are such a talented girl. I’m a major fan of your style, both fashion wise and your writing. Keep on doing what you love, because you do a great job!
x
Laura
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I think this people is the people who don’t understand the reason why we have a blog. Ok, not everybody need to express what they think, what they like, what places they like or how their lives are. But that doesn’t mean that they can hurt someone with shit like those comments. Come on! Let live! If they don’t like, just don’t visit the site…why they have to visit it and say something horrible, I really don’t understand, if you don’t like something, you just avoid it!!
Well, now I’m gonna say that I really love your blog and please throw away those stupid comments from people that don’t deserve anything.
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Well said Alex. You have never been narcissistic and never will be! Your photography is fantastic and a great expression of your sweet and creative personality. Don’t let the negativity get you down! I feel like in general, the more positive one is in their own life and profession, the more aggressively negative comments come flying in. Seeing happiness and success seems to remind some people that they aren’t happy at all. It’s kind of sad! You are very strong. Thank you for writing this xx Claire
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You have handled this issue intelligently and informatively which is probably quite a difficult thing to do (I would have spewed a torrent of abuse back at the b#@&?%D.) A really great article Alex, good on you. And I, for one, thoroughly enjoy delving into a little piece of your world by reading your blog, gazing at the dreamy pictures and I gain much inspiration and ideas from you and your writing. Keep doing what you are doing. (Big internet hug)x
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Very beautiful outfits 🙂
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Ugh, can’t believe someone would bother leaving you such bullshit comments. You’re talented, special, and gorgeous. Women who love themselves are a threat to some people but just know (as I’m sure you already do) that your blog, style, and photography are wonderful self expressions. Much love!
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