Gertie, my love

DSC_3785Last Wednesday, tragically and unexpectedly my sweet dog, Gertie, passed away. I’ve been avoiding this blog and real life since then because I’m not sure how to move forward. I’ve had numerous posts planned, but it has felt wrong to continue on normally, and especially on here, without acknowledging the pain and the tragedy that has occurred in my life, and I have not felt ready, until now, to say something about it. For anyone who owns a dog, they understand that our dogs are our babies. That’s what Gus is, and what Gertie was to me. My babies. The babies that give me unconditional love each and every day of my life. Both Gus and Gertie were rescues, and I did and do my best to give them a loving, safe life once they are in my care and part of my family. I will spare the details of Gertie’s passing because it’s very personal and has affected both Ryan and I tremendously, and has made accepting this so much harder. Had she been old and had a full life, maybe this would be easier to deal with. But at this point, I feel a tremendous amount of guilt that she didn’t get the long, beautiful life she deserved.

I’ve been lucky up until this point to not have to deal with a loss so great. But it also makes me feel ill equipped to deal with something like this. I miss her so much it often feels impossible to ever feel happy and whole again.

I strongly believe everything happens for a reason in life – to teach us, to help us grow, to bring us together. At this time I am unsure why something so horrible would happen, but maybe with time, things will become clear. What I do know is that you need to cherish the people and animals in your life. To let them know everyday that you love them. To not sweat the small stuff. Life is full of tragedy and sadness, but it’s also full of beauty and if you allow it, love. All my friends and family have been so wonderful through all this, and I feel lucky to have them in my life. I never want to forget how lucky I am. That even though my days feel so terribly dark right now, there is a silver lining.

To quote one of my favourite movies: “The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday, that’s guaranteed.
And I can’t begin to explain that- or the craziness inside myself and everybody else, but guess what? Sunday is my favorite day again. I think of what everyone did for me, and I feel like a very lucky guy.”  – Silver Linings Playbook

RIP Gertrude. You are and forever will be, my sweet baby girl.

Belle Vie / 13

Processed with VSCOcam with h3 presetDSC_3785photo 4 (4)DSC_37891. A little snap from Canada Day. The weather was so confusing this day. Our original plan was for Meg and I to go to the beach, but chances of thunderstorms quickly ended that idea. However, it never rained, so we ended up getting some tasty drinks at the Abbott and sitting at a small park nearby discussing how lovely it would be to live in the country.
2. My little angel, Gertie – when she gets really excited she starts snorting like a pig.
3. For Christmas Meaghan had bought us a groupon to take a pottery class together. We didn’t end up taking that class until very recently. I am kind of obsessed (we both are) and we are hoping to scrounge up enough money to take a 10 week course.
4. Some interesting people have moved into an apartment in the building behind ours. They are the type of gentlemen (I use that term quite loosely) that like to interrupt us while we are peacefully sipping beers in our backyard having good conversation. Thankfully we have four dogs who do not take kindly to strange men approaching and scare them away with their high pitched barks.

Belle Vie / 12

DSC_3494DSC_3504DSC_3508DSC_3495DSC_3500DSC_3509DSC_3512 DSC_3511 DSC_3513 DSC_3514 DSC_3515 DSC_3516 DSC_3521 DSC_3525 DSC_3528 DSC_35341. This may be my favourite picture of Ryan. I love how his eyes smile.
2-3. Taking Gertie to the park is so thrilling for me. She really loves it, except when she sees or hears a small motor vehicle coming by, then she loses it and runs for her life. Meaghan and I had a good time chasing her down the other day.
4. I love the light fixtures at Pizza Libretto. Would love to have something like this in my home one day.
5. The power was out on my entire street last week from 6pm – 2am, I’m still unsure of the reason. The only other time I had no power in my apartment was during a severe storm. It’s amazing realizing how much we rely on electricity. Ryan and I had to go out to eat and then spent the evening by candlelight.
6. Meaghan is such a beauty and someone I am very thankful to have in my life. Frankie is pretty neat too – such a strange little creature she is.
7 – 16. Ryan took me to the “secret beach” last week. It sort of made me think of“The Beach”. There were a few people walking by with dogs, but for the most part it was pretty vacant. It’s a spot I would like to frequent this summer, and maybe let a few friends in on the secret.

Belle Vie / 02

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DSC_18041. I love the way hyacinth makes the whole apartment smell like Spring.
2. What better way to have a cup of tea at the end of a long day than with a kitty friend.
3. I can never pass up a good antique perfume/cologne bottle.
4. My favorite kitty figurine – so sultry.
5. Gertie needs a hair cut pretty badly – her eyes are the sweetest part of her. It’s a shame when you can’t see them.
6. If I can’t go to the trees, why not bring them to me?
7. A vintage tap dance costume – did you know I can also tap dance?
8. Ryan’s acoustic guitar – this one holds a special place in my heart. I think I knew I loved him when I first heard him play this thing one quiet (hungover) morning.
9. Gus has a way of finding the silliest places to sit – it’s part of his charm.

Belle Vie / 01

000013 I’m starting a new weekly (hopefully) series, of photographs I’ve taken with my film and digital cameras of my sort-of everyday life. The intent is to get my camera out more often, work on my own skills, and as I had mentioned in a previous post, have more authentic, original work being shared in this space. This week is mostly portraits of people (and dogs) I deeply cherish, which wasn’t really on purpose, but I like it. Of course it’s not everyone that has a huge place in my heart, but at this point, these are the people (and animals) I see most. With winter hopefully coming to a close, I’m hoping to have an abundance of things to share in this series, since at this point, I don’t leave home much.

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