It’s been very very slow going getting my apartment together. I only just put up my kitchen curtains (that you are probably familiar with if you’ve been following this blog for a long while) and this pink shelf pictured above. I still have yet to hang some other shelving units and some art, buy a couch, a coffee table, a rug, and probably a book shelf or some other type of storage unit. When I moved I wanted to rid myself of a lot of stuff that I felt a disconnect from and start fresh in a new (sort of) space. I used to be able to furnish a whole apartment by myself, but now it just sort of looks like I am perpetually moving in, lacking some of the core pieces that make a house feel like home. It is odd behavior for me, to not feel a sense of urgency when it comes to getting my apartment together and spotless. I have been reflecting a lot about it, about why, before, I felt almost crazed about getting things together, to a pretty unhealthy degree. I often wonder if my anti-anxiety/depressant medication is the cause for my relaxation and ease with things that once threw me into a frenzy of stress. It probably is. I mean, right around the time I started settling into these meds did I start to actually become a way more relaxed person. It’s nice. I like it, but I also hate it, a lot. It’s that classic thing you see in movies and read in books – artist types who don’t want to take their meds because they no longer feel inspired, they no longer feel that drive to create. That’s how I feel in a sense. On the one hand, I feel good. I feel way more balanced and “normal”…how I imagine most people to feel. But on the other hand, I don’t feel that urgency I once did, to constantly be moving, and working and caring…really caring. But, such is the way of my life I guess. I am either caring so much it makes me ill, or I am rendered so chill I could take or leave most things. But, being me and being a human feels like a constant work in progress. I am glad I can see these things in myself and work to form a happy marriage between those two sides, because neither are inherently bad, they just need to learn to work together to create that desired balance that often feels out of reach.
Dress & sweater & tights: H&M (old)
Belt: thrifted vintage