Together…sometimes…but usually not.
The weekends when I am able to fit in work and fun are the type of weekends I come away from feeling truly whole. When you work a full time job (I recently became a buyer for a second hand/sometimes vintage shop), maintain a blog and other social media platforms all by yourself, own a dog, teach dance, help your partner with work, occasionally style and model for shoots, try to attend blogging/insta events, sometimes sell clothes…it’s hard to feel like you are on top of everything. To be honest, it’s fucking impossible to be on top of all of that. The thing that usually gets pushed to the wayside for me is friendships. It’s hard to maintain friendships (I’m mostly talking about surface friendships here) when you are an introvert, but also someone who feels literal guilt when you should be getting work done and instead are spending time with someone. And as I read that sentence, it sounds kind of awful. The thing is, I love my friends, the ones that don’t feel like work and get that I am kind of busy and will often say no to something because I have work to do. But on the flip side, I’ve had to work with the feeling of guilt I get when I am hanging out and not working by actually pushing work to the side and allowing myself to have fun without “consequence”. It’s been strange acknowledging that feeling and trying to work with it…I often feel like I never get it quite right. But this weekend felt truly balanced, and I woke up this morning with a sense of accomplishment and a feeling of wholeness. I realize it won’t always be like this. I won’t always feel like I’ve got it all together, and that’s really okay. As long as I am able to appreciate and recognize the moments where it does all fall so perfectly together, then I couldn’t really want or ask for anything else. We are all just trying to get by in the ways that make us feel good or make us feel bad, sometimes. It’s those things that drive us forward, but sometimes make us stuck. As long as we can see ourselves in all the ways we are or are not driven, well I think that’s all we can really do. In my little understanding of psychology and self-understanding, it’s just being able to see the way we work that makes us able to start changing for the better.
Can you relate? Do you have the opposite issue? Let me know in the comments below.
-WHAT I WORE-
Dress: Zara via Common Sort | Jacket: old H&M | Shoes: Sylvie and Shimmy | Choker: handmade | Comb clip c/o Levero (can’t seem to find this particular one, but they have loads of cute stuff