Body & Mind

OKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & MindI’m going to put this out there…

I’ve been struggling with my body a lot lately. I’ve been far less active in the last year or so than I have ever been in my life, and I am slowly watching my body change. In a way I imagine only I really notice, but at the end of the day how we feel about ourselves is all that matters. Being a dancer for all of my life, dancing at least 3-4 times a week, sometimes up to everyday of the week, I never had to think about working out or staying fit; the thing I was most passionate about was already keeping my body toned and healthy. But I haven’t been dancing that much recently. To be honest, not at all until about a month ago. It all makes sense…continue to eat the way you always do, which is to say, eating whatever I want, and then not being physically active at all…it’s obvious your body will start to change. My thighs have grown, along with my butt, my abs aren’t as defined anymore, my arms don’t look as toned…I just look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself. So, okay, I’ve spent a “good” amount of time feeling bad about it, but feeling bad isn’t going to change anything. My goal is to get active again. Awhile ago I tried going to the gym and surprisingly I really enjoyed it, like really really enjoyed it. But then winter rolled around, the gym isn’t all that close to my home, I got lazy and stopped going. But something in me is pushing me to start again, to do more things that will not only make me recognize myself again, but to also help with my anxiety. Physical activity has always helped me feel better when I feel absolutely shaken (literally) by anxiety. Realistically I think I could get to the gym 3-4 times a week. My work now allows for me to make my own schedule, so starting my day with the gym is totally reasonable and honestly seems like a lovely way to start my day. That combined with biking, I think I could get back to a place where I feel physically and mentally stronger.

So there it is, out there in the world. I’m hoping by putting this in writing I will make an honest change, and maybe help you to feel more positive about things, whatever that thing may be. Goodness knows I can be a negative nancy, and while that’s something about me I don’t necessarily hate (i think it keeps me in check), I feel like giving myself a little bit of hope and self-care could go a long way.

-WHAT I WORE-
Denim jacket: vintage Wrangler (similar) | Overalls: vintage Guess (similar) | Shirt: Banana Republic (similar) | Shoes: Dr. Martens | Purse: CS | Belt: vintage
OKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & MindOKAY ANDIE | Body & Mind
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Go Go Gadget

OKAY ANDIE | Go Go GadgetOKAY ANDIE | Go Go Gadgetshooting with my new camera

It has been awhile since I had shot myself outdoors. I used to be a stickler for having an outfit post every week, but with my new job over the last year (more on that one day), and a desire to just chill out once in awhile, I decided I would do what I could when I felt inspired and stop beating myself up when things didn’t work out as planned. So, I don’t post near as much as I used to here, but I do post to instagram most days since it feels easier, less exhausting and more immediate/raw. Anywaysssss, all this to say, Zach bought me a new camera for Christmas, Nikon D5500, to be exact, and it wasn’t until last week that I even brought it outside to shoot myself for outfit photos.

I’m still getting used to its new features (touch screen and wifi, weeeooo!) and I am now using an app on my phone to connect to my camera and help me shoot my self portraits. It’s not the greatest app and definitely has flaws, but once I get really comfortable with it, I think it’s going to be a great help, it already has been tbh. I used to miss focus a lot when I was shooting myself. It just was never quite there. You don’t know (or maybe you do) how hard it is to focus a camera when there is no subject to focus on other than a purse. Being able to tap on myself on my phone screen to focus has been exponentially helpful. Much of my time was wasted on focusing and missing and refocusing and so on, so I’m hoping with the time saved on that it will feel less daunting to shoot my images, especially on colder days when I want to just get in and out (out and in, in this case), as they say.

How are ya’ll doing? I gained a lot of new followers over the last couple weeks, so hello to all you new friends!  Thanks for following! Please do comment letting me know about yourself. I love getting to know my readers ❤

-WHAT I WORE-
Shirt: Club Monaco (similar) via CS | Sweater: MOTH. (sort of similar) via CS | Jacket: vintage (similar) via CS | Purse: vintage Coach via CS | Socks: Topshop | Hat: Fossil (similar) via CS | Shoes: Dr.Martens
OKAY ANDIE | Go Go GadgetOKAY ANDIE | Go Go GadgetOKAY ANDIE | Go Go Gadget

All Things

OKAY ANDIE | All ThingsOKAY ANDIE | All Thingscome full circle

I really don’t wear skirts and dresses as much as I used to. I have become a full fledged pants and trouser lover which is something I thought I would never say again. I have this theory, I guess you could call it,  that we always revert back to our former selves when it comes to fashion and aesthetics, like a circle of style, if you will. That something you once loved as a kid will be something you begin to love again one day. As a young child I really loved skirts, dresses, all things feminine and the colour pink (I named all of my stuffed animals “Pinky”…), as I got a bit older I shed those things for tomboy looks and then black eventually became my colour of choice in my teens (goth lyyyyyfe). If you know anything about me from visiting this space over the last several years, my girlish self was in full force – cutesy looks, the colour pink, again, as my favourite. But within this year I’ve become more accustomed to masculine looks and styles, the less frilly, and clearly I am no enemy to black. I guess it’s not so far off from styles of decades past recycling themselves in current fashion trends. There are little cycles within littles cycles, within littler cycles going on all the time in life, and that goes beyond fashion and exist witinh ethics and even societal issues. “History repeats itself” has always felt like one of the truest statements, to me. I have always wondered why that is. Does nostalgia drive us more than we think it does? I often feel nostalgic for times I didn’t even exist in, which seems absolutely absurd, but it’s a feeling I know doesn’t just exist for me. Who knows why these things happen, who knows why I have what seems like two different people that exist inside me, one trumping the other at certain times in my life. It’s something I have come to learn and love about myself, though, and it’s something that has become of great interest to me.

Do you guys notice these things about yourself as well? It’s a topic I’ve never really discussed with anyone. Let me know in the comments below.

-WHAT I WORE-
Jacket: Ruby Leather via CS | Dress: Vintage | Shirt & Bag: Zara | Shoes: Dr. Martens
OKAY ANDIE | All ThingsOKAY ANDIE | All ThingsOKAY ANDIE | All ThingsOKAY ANDIE | All ThingsOKAY ANDIE | All ThingsOKAY ANDIE | All ThingsOKAY ANDIE | All Things

Bright and Shiny Lights

Larkspur Vintage | Bright and Shiny LightsLarkspur Vintage | Bright and Shiny LightsHappy Thanksgiving my Canadian Pals

This time last year I was going through a lot of changes – My ex and I broke up, I moved out of our place and I was temporarily living in my friends spare bedroom waiting to move into my new place. While all of that sounds pretty shit, it really wasn’t so bad. There were so many things that felt like a fresh start and a chance to make things better and different for myself. Now I am sat here, after almost a year, on a couch I bought for myself only a few weeks ago (ya, finally!), in an apartment filled with things I love, and I can’t help but feel content. While the bad was right bad, which at times felt insurmountable, I remember believing  there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, that over-used, cheese saying, but those were the perfect words for it. I felt trapped for awhile, unsure of what was the right decision, but I knew that on the other side of this mess, that when I did find a way out, there would be a little bit more light each day.

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I’m not going to pretend things are all hunky dory (what am I 80?) everyday, because they aren’t,  but I have a whole lot to be thankful for everyday. So it’s fitting that today is Canadian Thanksgiving, seems like the right day to be counting the things in my life that are shiny and bright and give me light, each and everyday.

What are you thankful for?

-WHAT I WORE-
Top: CS | Trousers c/o Miss Patina | Shoes: Dr. Martens | Backpack: vintage Liz Claiborne via CS
Larkspur Vintage | Bright and Shiny LightsLarkspur Vintage | Bright and Shiny LightsLarkspur Vintage | Bright and Shiny LightsLarkspur Vintage | Bright and Shiny LightsLarkspur Vintage | Bright and Shiny LightsLarkspur Vintage | Bright and Shiny LightsLarkspur Vintage | Bright and Shiny LightsLarkspur Vintage | Bright and Shiny LightsLarkspur Vintage | Bright and Shiny LightsLarkspur Vintage | Bright and Shiny LightsLarkspur Vintage | Bright and Shiny Lights

Let’s Talk About It

Larkspur Vintage | Let's Talk About ItLarkspur Vintage | Let's Talk About ItLarkspur Vintage | Let's Talk About ItOkay?

I’m going to be pretty honest with you guys and talk about how I’ve been struggling with my body and appearance for awhile now. I bring this up because while I wanted to write about how much I love this gingham set from Mod Dolly, and how lovely I felt while wearing it and biking around on this day…as I look at these images, I feel frustrated with my body and initially didn’t want to share these beautiful images Zach took.

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For the better portion of my life I’ve been happy with my weight and physical appearance. To be honest, I’ve been well lucky in my life to never struggle with weight gain or feeling like I was “fat” or hating the body I have. That’s not to say I didn’t have what I feel is normal insecurities as a teen (although, it really shouldn’t be or feel normal) – wishing my breasts were bigger or that I had an hourglass figure…basically just being more physically attractive to the opposite sex (boo!!!), but I never felt like I wanted thinner legs or a flatter stomach or smaller arms…until recently…those thoughts come up a lot now.

Being a dancer from a very young age I’ve spent most of my life, near daily, doing an incredible physical workout that felt like no workout at all. I never even had to think about that stuff because the thing I loved most in the world was also keeping my body fit (well that, and genes). However, more recently I haven’t been dancing as much – there just hasn’t felt like time and through that, from what I can gather, I have gained a little weight. It’s hard for me to know if what I see in the mirror is what others see, or if my mind is seeing and telling me falsities. The thing is, for most of my life I have prided myself on never worrying about calories or weight gain or issues of appearance – somehow seemingly ignored all societal pressures in that respect – and now suddenly I feel like a girl I never wanted to be…suddenly I feel like the girls I felt sorry for (that’s well pretentious, but I’m trying to be honest). I’m doing my best to be healthy about the way I am dealing with these feelings – I’ve been trying to eat healthier, drink a ton of water, bike everywhere and do pilates every other day, which honestly, has been making me feel really great. However, it feels embarrassing to talk about this or admit this, because I know there are girls out there who wished they looked like me, just like there are girls out there that I wished I looked like. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? Wishing we all looked like someone else, or lived the way someone else does, or have what someone else has. I don’t know how to rid ourselves of those behaviours or thoughts. I have no answers for that…there isn’t a workout for those thoughts, now is there?. But I do want you guys to know that however my life or anyones life looks to you, everyone has their shit. No one feels all that together or happy with themselves. For me, it has always felt comforting knowing I am not alone. So I speak about this for you, but also for me. Our world feels so perfectly curated now that when people are just acting like actual humans who are okay with their flaws we think they are pioneers…and that’s sad to me, but it’s also something I absolutely want to be a part of. I’ve obviously got my insecurities, but I want to actively talk about those things because those are things that we can share in. We can’t all share in a perfect home, or landscape, or hair, or wardrobe, but we can share in being humans with feelings, those are inclusive, and those are things that need more air time.

-WHAT I WORE-
Top & shorts set c/o Mod Dolly | Shoes: Dr. Martens | Hat: vintage via Common Sort | Choker: handmade
Larkspur Vintage | Let's Talk About ItLarkspur Vintage | Let's Talk About ItLarkspur Vintage | Let's Talk About ItLarkspur Vintage | Let's Talk About ItLarkspur Vintage | Let's Talk About ItLarkspur Vintage | Let's Talk About ItLarkspur Vintage | Let's Talk About ItLarkspur Vintage | Let's Talk About It

*photos by Zach